What's On The Menu Today?

Every morning a homemaker wakes up to answer the big question; what’s on the menu today? She has to cook, keeping in mind the taste and preferences of her family; the children’s demands; husband’s expectations and diet of parents-in-law. A lot of planning has to be done the day before, breakfast; lunch and dinner need to be well balanced. The execution of which largely depends on the maid, her absence can spell disaster over the family! Being a homemaker is quite a task!

It was a bright Sunday morning; Sia kick started her day with a morning walk. Her husband and kids had refused to join her; they wished to catch up with some more sleep. Today she had decided to go out for breakfast with her family, she longed for a break from kitchen work. She loved cooking and experimenting with food but there were days when she just detested entering the kitchen. Many times she would wonder; why on earth, did we eat three times a day. She wished the human species should be re- programmed to experience hunger pangs only once a day! Or maybe the night lasted for twelve more hours so that, no one wakes up to ask for food.

After finishing her morning walk, Sia, her husband Vivek, ten year old daughter Trisha and five year old son Arnav headed to a South Indian restaurant. This family was crazy about good food, Sia being a good cook had set a standard for their taste buds. Little Arnav relished the masala dosa, his happiness was literally encapsulated in it. The rest savored idlis, vada and upma. Vivek exclaimed ‘this is the best idli sambar I’ve ever had!’ Sia retorted immediately ‘you said the same thing Vivek, when I had prepared them at home last week.’ Vivek understood what she meant; he corrected himself ‘yes dear! What I meant to say is that, this is as good as the ones you prepare at home!’ Sunday was the only day Sia would get a break from cooking. She was happy with the start and hoped the day would end well.

On their way back home Vivek got a call, it was his parents. They were returning from their trip to Rameshwaram. They called to inform that two of their relatives will be joining them for lunch. Vivek turned towards Sia with a disappointed look, they had planned to go for a movie but now it seemed impossible. Sia was always prepared for the unexpected, she was unpeturbed. This is what happens in every Indian family “Bagwan Mehmaan hota hain” every guest should be treated like god.

Sia had a lot to do; her maid did not turn up. She cleaned the house as fast as she could, her husband and children helped with the other chores. She rushed to the grocery store to buy vegetables and other stuff. Back home, she decided to make lemon rice, potato curry, cucumber salad, rasam and curd rice.

By two in the afternoon Viveks parents arrived along with the guests, his paternal uncle and aunt. They received a warm welcome from Sia and Vivek, despite the inconvenience. The hungry and exhausted foursome sat at the table, narrating about their trip to the children. Sia meanwhile served lemon rice, cucumber salad and potato curry. While eating Vivek’s aunt remarked ‘the lemon rice is bland, cucumber salad needs more salt and the potatoes are not well cooked!’ Sia was disheartened. Her mother-in-law added ‘Sia you must have prepared the food in a hurry that’s the reason you haven’t done your best’. Vivek felt sorry for Sia, the food was not as bad as his aunt had described. He was angry but could not say much in their presence. Vivek’s father and uncle on the other hand quietly finished their plates without passing any judgments over her culinary skills. Hot fresh food was their priority; they were not as fussy as their perfectionist counterparts. Trisha whispered to her mother ‘Mom, you are used to such remarks, it should not bother you anymore!’ Sia left the dining room, too pissed off to react or retort.

Post lunch, Arnav came to his mother and said ‘Mamma, you are the best cook in the world! I loved the lemon rice and potato curry. You have worked hard the entire day; you must be so tired now! Aren’t you? I will take care of you, please rest for some time!’ Sia smiled. Arnav sat beside her and said ‘let’s go out in the evening, I’m getting bored at home. I’ll wear my favorite Spiderman shirt and orange shorts. Mamma you can wear that new kurta you bought last week, you’ll look very pretty.’ ‘Ok my Prince I shall do that’ replied Sia. Arnav cupped her face in his tiny hands ‘If I’m your prince, then you are my Queen mamma, pretty and beautiful!’ Tears rolled down her eyes, her efforts had gone in vain but on hearing such lovely words from her child, she was more than happy! His appreciation and understanding were her Biggest Reward for the day!

The Prospective Bride

“Congratulations dear! You’ve finally found a suitable girl for your son!” exclaimed Mrs. Meena as she barged into the living room, where Mrs. Puran sat checking photographs and horoscopes that lay scattered on the table. “It must have been a tough job.” She added further.

Mrs. Meena took a seat beside Mrs. Puran awaiting her response, but the lady seemed too engrossed in her affairs. “What’s the matter Mrs. Puran?” she asked throwing a questioning look. “Aren’t you happy with your choice?”

“I’m firm about my choice dear.” Mrs. Puran finally broke her silence “just been trying to find a way to dispose these photographs and horoscopes. They are of no use now. Maybe I should pass them to someone looking for a bride.” She sighed

“You must have been spoilt for choice with so many proposals, don’t you?” asked Mrs. Meena. “Spoilt for choice? Never! It was the most tedious job I’ve done all my life. One wrong move and you lose it all.” said Mrs. Puran. “What do you mean by that dear?” Asked Mrs. Meena

“Oh! You have to choose a girl who’s perfect for the family. Her looks and her style should complement my son. Her culture and values will determine the future of my family. She has to be a dutiful wife, an obedient and responsible daughter-in-law; and most importantly, her mother!!” as Mrs. Puran was expressing her views, Mrs. Meena exclaimed “Mother! What on earth has the mother to do with this?”

“Like mother like daughter! Aren’t you familiar with the saying Meena?” added Mrs. Puran. “A daughter takes along all the qualities of her mother good and bad. A strong headed mother may influence her daughter to boss over the family, rather than accepting them. A soft natured mother will teach her daughter to abide by the rules of the new family and be adjustable. I have done a lot of research on this, that’s the reason I’m so particular about the girl’s mother.”

“So! That’s your criteria for a Prospective Bride!” said Mrs. Meena. “My dear, that’s not all” added Mrs. Puran “Family background is very important, especially that of the bride’s father. Status matters you see! You have to choose the right people because you have to move around with them all your life. Your social circle is determined by the relationships you make.”

“How about your son?” questioned Mrs. Meena “Have you prepared him to be a responsible husband and a good son-in-law? Is he prepared to fulfill the expectations of his wife and her family?”

Mrs. Puran was furious “Responsibility? Well! The responsibility of our entire family should be his priority, not his wife and her family. As far as expectations are concerned; my son is handsome, well educated and financially sufficient. What more could a girl and her family ask for?”

Lastly Mrs. Meena asked “Is your son happy with your choice?” Mrs. Puran answered beaming with pride “My son will never go against my wishes, no matter how many crushes or flings he might have had; he will always marry the girl I approve. After all! Only a mother knows what’s best for her child!"

Note: Marriage, as an institution is losing its value because such prejudices and stereotypes still prevail in traditional societies. The day a bride and her family are given due respect and equality, relationships will flourish and conflicts will subside.

Parenting :The Importance Of Teaching A Child The Difference Between Wants And Needs

 At a shopping mall I came across a little boy throwing tantrums, driving his parents crazy. Reason: he wanted them to buy toys and was too impatient to wait till they finished their shopping. The parents were quite embarrassed by all the attention they received from fellow shoppers. Some flashed a smile saying "Naughty Boy" and a few murmured “Spoilt Brat!". The parents were left with no choice but to head to the nearest toy store.

Parents today do their best to provide everything their child asks for. They want to keep their children happy and fulfill all their wishes. "I don't want my child to regret that I did not fulfill all his wishes when he grows up." said one the parent, when I questioned her about the necessity of catering to a child's demand. “Children today do not listen to us; their terrible tantrums at public places compel us to listen to them." confessed another.

We love our children and do not want to break their heart; but it is very important to help them distinguish between wants and needs. The focus is not just about teaching them the value of money or being economical but helping them acknowledge the efforts parents put in to meet all their demands and bring on a sense of respect for what they have. It is so important to instill a sense of gratitude in them.

 In the long run, this will not only help them get their priorities right but also benefit them with a realistic perspective; enabling them to embrace life with a positive spirit.

As Franklin D. Roosevelt quotes about parenting: “We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.”

Master of Life or Victim of Circumstances: What Do You Choose To Be?

Master of Life or Victim of Circumstances: What Do You Choose To Be?

There are very few people who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth, for the rest life is a struggle! We live among different people, come across different situations and most often things do not happen in our favor. The true value of life is in its unpredictability!  Not once or twice but many times we get embroiled in an unpleasant/difficult situation and the way we tackle it as well as our attitude determines whether we emerge as winners or completely lose ourselves. Problems vary from one individual to another thus it is difficult to explain the gravity of the situation. When we are not in the right frame of mind, a simple problem may appear difficult to resolve. The best way to get out of a difficult situation is-self help!

Self Help Skills:

Self-Confidence: Always believe in yourself because if you don’t, nobody else will. Work towards reconstructing yourself. Identify your strengths and weakness. Self confidence gives us the strength to strive towards a better life.

Evaluate people: learn to observe people around and analyze their behavior. There are individuals who become puppets in the hands of manipulative people without their own knowledge. A manipulative person is often the sweetest one, who’s well aware of your strengths and weakness, controls you and manages to turn every situation in their favor: Beware!

Communicate: Sour relationships lack good communication, therefore learn to express yourself, put forward your opinion even though it may not go well with others. Most importantly learn to say NO when necessary.

Worry less Think more: The more you worry the greater the problem. Instead of wasting your time on worrying, think about ways to solve problems, work towards the betterment of your life.

Advice not Advisable: Sharing your problems may multiply them. Talking to someone who has been in a similar situation might be helpful but making it a part of general discussions, is seriously not advisable. You never know who gives the right advice and who misguides.

Self-evaluation: count your blessings and work hard on your weaknesses. It’s good to be self critical at times. Think over your approach towards a situation and learn to tackle it in a sensible manner. Anger, aggressiveness, dejection and disappointment will make it all worse.

Positive Approach:A positive approach is the first step towards personal growth. Think positive and it will work.

Never fear hardships, never say I can't, never feel helpless or trapped. Come what may learn to fight, for a better life. You are solely responsible for your own happiness. Master of life or victim of circumstances: YOU ARE WHAT YOU CHOOSE!

Confessions Of A Disgruntled Spouse

Marriage gives another dimension to the sweet home, effortlessly making it – a War Zone. The process of adjustments and compromises leads to a lot of friction between the husband and wife. The cat fights and the arguments, get so intense that couples indulge in a bitter verbal war. Apart from this, one can easily recall and relate to the dramatic scene where couples launch an attack towards each other with crockery, pillows and other available household weapons. Things fly across the room along with soaring tempers! It’s nothing less than the Clash of Titans. In the heat of the moment couples confess their repressed thoughts and say things that might leave their spouse disgruntled. This is the reason many get disillusioned about marriage.

When angry we lose control over our mind. Here are a few things most people generally, confess to their spouse when disappointed with their relationship:

• Marrying you was  the biggest mistake of my life
• You are irresponsible
• You are just like your mother/father, so irritating!
• You never fail to disappoint me
• You were a different person  before marriage
• You  hide a lot of things from me
• You always give priority to your family
• You never care for me
• You are selfish
• You have ruined my life
• My ex  was far better compared to you

If your spouse has said anything similar to you don’t worry too much over it or assume that your relationship is on the rocks. Talk to your spouse about how hurt you are by these statements rather than staying away from each other. In most cases after a huge fight couples do not communicate with each other for days, making things worse. Marriage is a Love-Hate relationship that has its own sweet and bitter moments.

A lot of effort goes into making a good relationship. The friction is just a part of the game. A good relationship survives on trust, unconditional love, understanding, contributions and compromises provided it is mutual! Every marriage goes through a rough phase and it is common to have endless fights. Nevertheless they say “There is light at the end of every tunnel”.

Long Live the Girl Child

 The birth of a girl in the family is considered to be the blessing of goddess lakshmi (goddess of wealth and prosperity). Ironically very few rejoice at this occasion. The birth of a baby boy is celebrated with cheer, whereas the birth of a baby girl is marked with tears! These are the conservative societies who still believe that the heir of the family “a boy” is more important to carry forward the family’s legacy as compared to the girl child.

Here is a touching story of a mother who loves and respects her daughter!

It’s a big day in Raji’s life. She has been busy with the preparations for the past three days. Making a list of the little guests to be invited, buying grocery, cleaning up her small one bedroom house, a new dress for her little princess and a lot more. After all it’s her little girl, her beloved daughter’s birthday today. The first thing she did in the morning was to visit the temple with her daughter, offered prayers and later sent her daughter to school with sweets for her classmates. She then gets busy making payasam for the guests, her humble effort to make this day a special one.

Finally it’s time to celebrate. Raji’s little doll is dressed in a lovely pink frock, her guests; little children from the neighborhood have arrived and the chocolate cake that she had ordered at the local bakery is at the table. Raji lights a lamp, praying for the longevity and happiness of her daughter followed by “Happy Birthday to You…” little ones’ singing in chorus after which Raji’s daughter cuts the cake. Some have got flowers for the birthday girl and some have gifts. There is so much happiness in their simplicity that cannot be measured by money! Raji cannot afford a good meal for her guests hence she offers all of them a glass of payasam. At the end this grand celebration the guests leave and the birthday girl gives a huge hug, thanking her mom.

 Raji works as a domestic help to fulfill her family’s needs. Her husband, a carpenter earns very little and has no work for most of the time. Raji has two children one son and a daughter, both of whom she loves immensely. She has never differentiated between her two children and strives to keep them happy. This love that of a mother is pure, free of gender bias. A mother cannot differentiate between her children it’s the society that discriminates. A daughter is an inseparable part of the family; you can change her name, marry her off to another family, not consider her part of your home yet she remains “Your Blood” and no society can change that!

Relationships:Have You Found True Love?

 

We come across a lot of people in life: People with different personalities and people from different backgrounds. Each one of us has different criteria for choosing a life partner. Some of us look for a like-minded partner, some prefer a partner who is well qualified and some choose a partner based on the family’s expectations and preferences. Amid st all these, true love is hardly given a thought. Most individuals find a suitable partner, get married and settle down, but a persistent sense of incompleteness hovers over their relationship. So how does one define true love?

Love is the essence of human life. Right from birth we yearn for love; love from our parents, siblings and other family members. Along with love we look for acceptance. We want our parents to accept us and like everything about us. We put in a lot of efforts to make our parents happy and expect rewards from them. In simple words we have a lot of expectations from life.

Similarly when we are in a relationship, we seek a lot of things from that one person. We have a lot of expectations from our life partner. We fret over good looks, great chemistry, 'my types' and long for someone who sweeps us off our feet. These unrealistic expectations are bound to bring disappointment.

 The essence of every relationship is love, unconditional love. True love is the ability to accept your partner without being judgmental, giving your best to the relationship, yielding happiness, and most importantly standing tall, as a pillar of strength in difficult times. Attraction is momentary! It cannot hold a relationship for long. It is only when you learn to give, you receive love and happiness in abundance; love reciprocates! If you find someone who loves you immensely, respects your individuality, accepts you with your vices and virtues, exudes a positive influence on you……………understand that true love has finally dawned!

Overcome Depression Embrace Life!

Every dog has its day! This is what we say when things do not happen according to our expectations. A self convincing statement! life is uncertain and unpredictable. As humans we go through ups and downs, highs and lows, success and failure; this is the regular course of life.Every individual goes through a rough phase at some point in life,often leading to depression. In such situations we feel helpless, trapped and think of as the end of life. We feel worthless and see a future filled with infinite darkness. Where do we go? What do we do? Is there anyone who can empathize with us or get us out of this situation? Depression devastates us completely and the only solution to this soul burning agony lies within our self!

 Here are few self- help solutions

 Spirituality: God certainly exists! Surrender yourself and all your troubles to him. Belief in the almighty gives strength and courage to face all odds. Just the way a child feels loved and secure in the mother's arms, belief in god, calms down our anxiety and fear.

 Meditation: Detach yourself from the outside world; meditate! Look within yourself and try to identify the root of your troubles. You will definitely find an answer. Meditation reduces our stress and helps us to be more focused in life. It calms down the mind.

 Move with the right people: Our tough times give us the real picture of people around. Friends whom we trust more than ourselves often turn their backs on us. Move with people who make you happy, this will certainly help you stay positive. Stay away from people who criticize and pull you down. They will only make you feel more miserable.

 Watch movies: This might seem a little ridiculous yet very helpful. When we face a difficult situation in life we have two options to choose from "Fight or Flight". Movies definitely take you away from the present situation; even though the escape is momentary. A great way to relax a troubled mind.

 Acceptance: Finally, on a serious note. Learn to move with the flow. Accepting life the way it is will not only resolve our problems but also help us make peace with our self. Success takes you on a high but failure should not bog you down. Use your failure as a ladder to achieve success. Learn from your mistakes; this will help you grow as an individual.

 Stay positive. You are what you think! Think good and that goodness will definitely enrich your life. Positive vibrations when exuded will bring a lot of positive results in return.

 Contentment: This is the key to happiness. Count on your blessings and thank god for all that he has bestowed upon you. Contentment keeps all the vices at bay: like greed and jealousy which are the cause of human suffering.

 Lastly bad things do come to an end. There is light at the end of every tunnel. You just need to have patience to deal with a difficult situation in life. It may be failure as a student, hurdles in career or a tough phase in your personal life. Difficulty varies with situation: from person to person, but the misery it inflicts on an individuals life is immeasurable. Hope keeps desires alive. Hard work and determination will definitely yield positive results. A dear friend once told me" When you get caught in a whirlpool, surrender yourself and move along the course; you will find your way out, just the way you got in!!"